Freesia Fantasy
by Black-Dranzer-1119
Summary: Alice had always envisioned that she would spend her whole life with Jasper, unitl one vision causes her to rethink everything she thought she knew. E/B A/B and J/J
1. Meadowsweet

**Hi. Just so you know this is the first twilight fic I have ever attempted and to be honest I never thought I would, much less a femslash one. I was inspired to write this after I watched the New Moon movie and I am determined to complete it. This is also a birthday present to my friend Jesus-of-suburbia2o2o who despite not liking Twilight actually likes this. Anyway I hope you like the first chapter.**

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_**It was not long after she left the small town she had been staying in for the last few months sadness once again swept over her. As far as she knew, she had no true home, though the place she just left was probably the closest thing she had ever had to one. It was there that she was first given what could have been called a family, they probably loved her. They named her too, half her own, half theirs forever labelling her as belonging to them. She couldn't stand it. Though it was a custom for parents to name their children, she hadn't been a baby, nor even entirely a child and the name they gave her grated on her ears every time she heard it. It only served as a reminder of what she didn't have; a past, a family.**_

_**So she left. She left to find her own name. Her own identity and when she met people she would tell them just who she was. Then when and only when she decided she was ready she would once again be connected to everyone else. Have a family of her choosing. She would no longer feel this forced to connect with those around her. She could just… be.**_

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Alice sighed as she pushed the paper away. She had never been one to sit down for too long. Besides she felt the sudden urge to change the flowers in her room. Daisies were nice but they got a bit boring after a while. Before daisies it had been blue roses and before that lilacs, and daffodils… Maybe she should have lilies this time and redecorate her room completely. It had been the same for almost six months now.

_Edward was right _she thought glumly, she DID have too much time on her hands. _If only he…_ She frowned, the catchy pop song that had been running through her mind since Friday now becoming irritating as her mood darkened. _Edward…_ For a split second she was tempted to throw something, before realising what a waste of a perfectly good antique vase it would be. Weighing the fragile piece in her hands, she paused for a mere second and with the speed of a bullet pelted it at the far wall. It was a rather ugly piece anyway.

Nodding with a brief flash of satisfaction she grabbed a nearby shopping bag and proceeded to clean it up. Esme would be on her back about it otherwise. It didn't take long and fortunately for her the others had gone hunting and wouldn't be back for a few more days. Well except for Edward who was probably still sulking in Alaska. With a huff she walked out of her room and headed to the green house out back. Edward was only lucky that he had left or else he would have been copping a mindful.

Even though she had been told not, even though her own mind pleaded with her not to continue to do so; Alice had been watching over Bella since she left. At first it had been difficult considering that Bella was human, but within a month she was able to concentrate her powers on her. Each time Alice looked she almost felt ill and her anger at her brother increased. The first time she saw Bella she was shocked by how much she had changed, the image burned into her mind. After a week she nearly went to Edward, her mind an arsenal of imagery. Esme had been the one to stop her that time. Her words dousing the rage Alice felt…

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"_Alice, dear, what's the matter?" Esme asked, her eyes full of concern as Alice crouched in the corner, her black eyes staring absent-mindedly out the window. She hadn't feed in the past two weeks and a constant strain from using her abilities was taking its toll. "You have been watching Bella again haven't you…? Oh Alice, I thought you promised Edward that you wouldn't. He wanted us to stay out of her life."_

"_Since when do I listen to what Edward tells me to do anyway," Alice said bitterly, part of her mind registering Rosalie's awful piano playing upstairs. It would sound phenomenal to human ear, but then again Alice couldn't remember being human and wasn't in a particularly kind mood._

"_This time it is truly for the best…"_

"…_The best for who? For Bella…? For Edward…? For me…? For you…? Who is this better for…? Tell me so I can tell them what it's like to hear Bella wake up screaming every night. To watch as she isolates herself from everyone she cares about. This is killing her and you just expect me to sit around and watch it happen," Alice said her voice demanding and had she been human she would have been crying at the unfairness of it all. Esme sat down next to her and pulled Alice up against her, cradling her. Whispering soft hushing sounds, Esme kissed Alice's temple gently._

"_Then tell me, please Alice. If it will help tell me," Esme pleaded and Alice felt guilty for causing Esme so much distress._

"_I-it's like we're killing her," Alice whispered, seeing Bella scream in her head. "And I don't if it's worse when she screams or when she's silent."_

"_Please don't watch her anymore. It's hurting you and it's not helping Bella. Please Alice, for me?" Neither of them spoke again that night and when Esme left to do some reading, she was thinking about becoming a florist, Alice returned to her room, her eyes glazing over. She refused to abandon Bella like the rest._

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Like always the green house was brightly lit as they had to rely on heat sources other than the sun due to the limited amount in Forks. Esme had taken it upon herself to get one and take care of it herself when she discovered that it would be impossible to grow her favourite flowers otherwise. All through the room was a huge variety of flowers lined from wall to wall as Esme had tried to use as much space as possible. Picking up some sharp scissors she barely realised herself slipping into a trance as she sought Bella's future with her mind and she walked towards the lilies. Before she reached them though her eyes widened as she found what she had been looking for.

Every day she saw variations of the same thing. A zombielike Bella, a worried Charlie and a scream that had Alice slept she would have had nightmares about. She had heard people scream before, but not like this. Not like their heart was being slowly torn from their chest.

Once more the beginnings of an idea began to worm their way inside her head and she shook herself clear of them before she decided on anything. She didn't want to see the consequences for such thoughts… Not yet.

Taking in her surroundings she tilted her head to look at the flowers she collected only to realise something was wrong. The flowers in her basket were not the bright orange and red of the lilies she had decided on, but instead there was a pile of bright purple freesia. Frowning, she slowly lifted one up so she could smell it. Closing her eyes she breathed in deeply only for them to flash open again as an almost familiar scent hit her senses. Putting down the scissors she darted upstairs her mind already running through arrangements and complementary colours.

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On the way to the city to get the paints she would need she passed by a bright yellow car and though she knew her car was a far superior model… _A yellow car really would suit me. Maybe I should get Edward to buy me one_, she thought with a grin. _Now all I need to do is work out what model…_

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_**For years she wandered, rarely staying in the same place for longer than a few weeks. She was disconnected from the world, but she didn't mind. She was free. At times others would try to bring her back into the fold. They had different names and faces, ages and genders, but to her they were the same and she was not ready to go back to how she was.**_

_**Finally the day came when she realised she was lonely. Over the time she had been so focused on running that when she finally stopped to look at herself she did not find what she had expected. It was then on that cold night that she found herself in a bar. Ever since she was little people had always admired her intuition and sought her judgement for any major decision they should make. That only made her feel more isolated and began to doubt the sincerity of the people around her. Yet her intuition brought her here and she would not doubt it now.**_

_**Looking around she saw the bar wasn't a particularly nice looking one, with cheap neon signs and dim hanging lights illuminating the room. She guessed that the bar was only left so dark to hide the dirt and dust that she could vaguely make out in one of the corners. The owners probably thought it added a bit of mystery to the place as well, like something out of a bad detective movie. It didn't matter though and so she got a job there. **_

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Alice frowned as she put down the pen once again realising that she had continued to write the story she never planned on setting down. She had just come upstairs for a moment to rearrange her furniture so that she could bring the new paints upstairs, only to find herself back at the desk a minute later, pen in hand as it darted across the page. Standing up she went back over to her shelves and began to remove the CDs from them and placing them in neat piles. Next to them lay the mountain of books that she had forgotten to put back in the family library.

Gently she moved her long glass bookcase from against the wall and also into the centre of the room. For only a moment she found her eyes once again on the sheets of paper lying innocently on her desk and she bit her lip as the sudden urge to continue writing swept through her. Shaking her head she moved her desk as well as a few sketches from the wall and she was done.

Standing in her room now with bright white sheets lining the floors… Just in case, Alice set to work, humming a j-pop in an attempt to get an annoying song out of her head. She hardly noticed when she began to hum the other song instead less than five minutes later.

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**So what did you think so far? I hope you like my idea to have Alice write a story of her own as well as I am trying to give Alice's view on her past as well as her present… and future. Lol The bit at the end of the first paragraph about the girl not having a home or a family was semi inspired by the ending of Bioshock (awesome game) Thanks for reading.**


	2. Pink Camellia

**For the single person who bothered to review, the 3 who favourited it and the 6 that put it on alert this update is for you. Sorry for not updating and I hope you like this new chapter.**

To say that Alice was bored at that moment would be an understatement. The others had returned a few days before, but most of them had so far avoided her apart from commenting on how much they liked what she did with her room. Esme was still annoyed with her over her continued surveillance of Bella and Carlisle had come to her room once so far to talk to her about it.

_A low knock on the door startled Alice as she came out of her trance, a bitter expression on her face._

"_Alice, may I come in?" Carlisle asked gently and Alice hesitated, before standing up to open her door. Seeing the only father she had ever known standing there with such heartfelt concern on his face made her feel guilty for even considering saying no. Leaving the door open she walked back to the couch she had been sitting on before being interrupted and waited for him to speak. "Your mother and I have been quite worried about you lately. I know your mother has talked to you about watching Bella and I won't deny that it wasn't mostly due to her that I am here now…"_

"_I won't abandon her. Just because you've all decided to leave her in danger doesn't mean I will," Alice said defiantly._

"_Is that the only reason? Alice I know how much you care for her. She's like a daughter to me and a sister to you, but they need to work everything out on their own," Carlisle said and sighed. "You need to stay out of this. It will be alright, you'll see." Leaning over he kissed her forehead. "Come down stairs later, we miss you." Just before he reached the door he paused and turned to look back at her. "What made you pick freesia?" Stunned by his question Alice tensed for a moment._

"…_I don't know."_

Despite Carlisle's request she still hadn't been downstairs longer than necessary. As for Rosalie and Emmett, whilst neither had really approved; Rosalie because she couldn't understand what was so fascinating about Bella, and Emmett because Alice wasn't actually doing anything about the things that she saw, they hadn't voiced their objections. Finally there was Jasper, the one that Alice felt the most guilty about. Ever since they had removed themselves school to give the appearance of having left, Alice had been spending less time with Jasper than she had in the whole time they had known each other.

Usually Alice liked his calm, steady presence at her side, he kept her balanced, but right now that was the last thing she wanted. All she wanted was to be able to go to Bella's house and take her to France or Italy or even go to the city and force her to play dress up for the day. _Bella probably would have objected_, Alice thought with a grin, but she would have gotten her way in the end. She always did. So she had been avoiding Jasper and instead expressing herself through writing it seemed.

Not wanting to dwell on Jasper and her sudden lack of a sex life. _Stupid Edward making me turn celibate_, Alice's mind grumbled, but she had honestly lost interest in most things that she usually enjoyed doing. Shopping was unfortunately included. It just no longer seemed as fun now that she didn't have a disgruntled Bella to drag around everywhere like her favourite doll.

Despite what she knew Bella would have said had she told her, she had always thought Bella to be quite doll like with her porcelain skin, heavy dark brown hair and wide, doe like eyes. Alice frowned as her heart panged longingly. _Damn Edward for forcing me to stay away from my Bella._ Yes Bella belonged to her. Not that Alice would ever tell Edward or Bella that. _Let them think that she is Edwards, but when I next feel like shopping it will be me that she will be with. Besides Charlie likes ME better._ Cheered up by that thought she crashed again only a minute later. _Damn that Edward…_

With less reluctance than usual, Alice was once again at her desk, needing to release some of the pent up emotions.

_**She didn't know why. It wasn't like the pay was good or the bosses especially nice or anything, but she had a good feeling about that place and so she stayed. She had been relying on her intuition a lot in her travels, especially when she was trying to decide where to head to next. So when it told her for the first time to stay she listened and waited. She had no idea what it was that she was waiting for but each day the sense that something was coming grew stronger.**_

_**She had been cleaning the bar when it finally happened. It had just been an ordinary night with her serving the couple of regulars while Elvis crooned from the juke box in the corner. It had been Elvis the night she had first come to the bar too she mused.**_

_**All night her senses had been tightly strung and it got to the point now that her fingers were tingling… or that could be because she was clenching her fists too tightly. Not once had she ever had a doubt that her wait was pointless and when she heard the small bell at the door chime, she knew her wait was over and she looked up.**_

Alice paused in her writing, the scene playing in her mind as she recalled memories of a very similar encounter happening to her all those years ago and guilt was once again fresh in her mind. Before she could return to her story a sharp rap on the door made her glance up and she flittered over knowing who it was that stood behind it. Shoving her guilt down she pulled the door open and flung her arms around Jasper, who kissed her forehead and lips softly, sensing her distress. Lifting her up gently, he carried her over to her couch and sat her down.

For that moment everything was perfect. The familiar feel of Jasper's arms wrapped around her and her face rested in the crook of his neck to breath in his cool, sweet scent. It was like maple syrup and though it wasn't as nice as floral scents were it was a safe and familiar scent that made her curl against him even more and that's how they stayed for the next few hours.

_**Despite knowing that she was waiting for something, she never expected that something to be a 'someone'. Her hand paused its circular motion on the bench and watched as the man walked into the bar, not seeming to have noticed her staring just yet. Using that time she took in his appearance.**_

_**He was tall, with honey blonde hair and blue eyes from what she could see considering the dim lighting. He also appeared to be quite wet, which was strange as she hadn't noticed it had been raining. Then again she hadn't been noticing a lot of things lately. He appeared to be fairly strong too, but not in a bulky way, which she liked. She had never seen the appeal of huge bulging muscles. It was then her staring finally caught his attention and he wandered over to the bar. Pulling out a stool he sat down in front of it and she could barely hide her pleased smile.**_

'_**Nice place you got here,' the man said softly and she noticed he had a southern accent. She hadn't been too far south before, though she had been thinking about it before she got her job at the bar.**_

'_**Are you kidding, this place is a shit hole,' she said with a low laugh.**_

'_**Now, now, a lady like yourself shouldn't use such filthy language," the man teased and she could feel her heart getting lighter already.**_

'_**Who said I was a lady?'**_

_**They both laughed before the man said, 'Forgive me for forgetting my manners, my name is Jay.'**_

Putting the pen down Alice turned to look over at Jasper who was lying motionlessly on the sofa, headphones on so that Alice could concentrate on her writing. She smiled, feeling calmer than she had felt in a long time, but before she could stop herself her mind began to drift back to Bella. Closing her eyes she scanned to see if Bella was going to write her another email and her smile turned bitter as she saw Bella sit down at the computer, the lights dim and the dead look that seemed to permanently mar her otherwise pretty face. Concentrating a little harder on the screen she was able to make out what was being written.

_Dear Alice,_

_I don't know why I am still writing these, it's not like I have you're email address and can actually send them. Perhaps it's for the best; I mean they would only depress you. Maybe that's why. Because I know that you won't read them, but Alice I miss you so much. It's really starting to feel like you were never here to begin with, but if you weren't, then why does it hurt so bad. I didn't just lose Edward, though that in itself is hard enough, but you all made me feel so welcome, like for once I was part of a stable family. I doubt I would even object to an all day shopping trip. I would be your dress up doll for whole the day, the whole week, just please come back. I need to know that you are real and that you haven't forgotten me… even if I'm the definition of ordinary. Maybe the reason why I'm writing this is in hopes that you really are watching over me and can read what I'm saying. Love you Alice, you're the best friend I could ever have._

_Bella_

Alice felt her throat tighten and she swallowed in hopes of easing it a little. She had read about a dozen others with different words, but the pain behind it was the same and only got harder to bear as time passed.

As if sensing his movement, or instinct, Alice turned in her chair and flung her arms around Jasper. Less than a moment later she could feel small waves of calm wash over her and she shook her head telling Jasper to stop. He did so, but not without evident confusion. What he didn't grasp was that she wanted to hurt. She felt so useless that at least while she felt pain and continued to watch over Bella she felt as though she would eventually be able to do something that would allow Bella to be happy again.

She hadn't told anyone about the emails and she probably never would. Those words were for her and Bella alone and Alice refused to let anyone else feel even a micron of the suffering they caused. She had to give up her closest friend because of Edward and her family. They would not get her to give this up too.

**So what did you think? I would really appreciate feedback as this is my first twilight fic and I want to make sure I have the characters IC. This is also a new writing style for me and I want to know what you think of it. Thanks for reading and even more so if you review.**


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